Posted: October 12, 2014 in Uncategorized

“We started dying before the snow, and like the snow ,we continued to fall.” Mandy tried to dismiss the enchanting sentence from Track, her book club’s recommendation for that week. She attempted to understand why Louise Erdrich would begin his book using such a prevalently somber opening sentence. What had he hoped to accomplish? Sitting on the floor of her pristine living room, dressed in one of Sheldon’s T-shirts and a pair of jungle green shorts, she racked her brains but nothing came to mind. Casting the book aside, she glanced at the ancient clock hanging on the wall. 9.47pm.She didn’t want to eat dinner by her lonesome. Didn’t he promise he’d be home by dinner tonight? And the other night? She didn’t let her temper rise, nor her thoughts scatter, she couldn’t come up with ridiculous theories about where he was. She picked up her book again and decided she’d wait for about an hour, see if he’d show up so they’d eat together. She flipped open pages randomly. “Cold sinks in, there to stay. And people, they’ll leave you, sure.There’s no return to what was and no way back. There’s just emptiness around and you in it” Another sentimental sentence from Tracks. She understood the emptiness part, she was feeling it right there sitting on their living room floor-closing in on her, suffocating her. She shifted to the green couch.Sheldon had bought it when they were moving in two years ago. He’d said the green reminded him of her eyes. She flipped to the second page of Tracks. She’d read systemically, finish the book so she’d have something to say at book club next week. She missed her job sometimes, but she was managing by having other activities that partially took her mind off missing work plus the baby would be coming in 7 months. She’d have real important stuff to do then.She couldn’t wait.
She was 25 pages into the book, relating to Fleur’s emotional distress when she glanced at the clock again. 10:37pm. She sighed as she folded the top part of page 24 to act as a bookmark. She chuckled thinking of the exaggerated way her book club members would chide her if they saw that. She decided she’d waited long enough and would have dinner and turn in. As cliche as it may sound, she was now eating for two and therefore had to take care of herself. Sheldon hadn’t even had the decency to call, and angry as she was getting, she decided to call him. She dialled from her cellphone and he answered on the third ring


“Hello babe, I’m so sorry.I uh got caught up in my work. I’m leaving now. ” She could hear the unsubtle giggles of no doubt drunk girls in the background.
Dinner’s in the fridge. Goodnight.

Wait bab-” She hang up. Her phone immediately started ringing.
She was suddenly drained. She just wanted to sleep. If it wasn’t for the baby, she’d take one of her sleeping pills and let whatever drug that they used in those little pills knock her out cold. She didn’t want to think or feel. “Damn. The baby.” Her hand automatically moved to her stomach and she smiled despite herself. It hadn’t started showing, only a few friends knew. Of course, Sheldon’s mother too. She knew she should eat. So she walked to the kitchen, forfeited dinner and fixed herself a sandwich.
“I’d never purposely starve you little guy,” she looked down at her stomach and smiled again. She couldn’t wait for the baby’s first kick. She laughed, a weak throaty laugh.There would be many firsts with their baby.
As she bit into her sandwich,  she moved barefoot towards the fridge to get a bottle of orange juice. Seconds later, she didn’t know how but she was falling. She tried, she really did to balance herself, to cushion her fall, to not fall on her stomach. A frenzied panic attacked her.The baby.She couldn’t hurt the baby. She couldn’t lose the baby.Still she kept falling and as she fell ,she hit her head on the kitchen counter and was out like a light.


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